Just Friends

Lately I have been wondering if I could be more than “just friends” with one of my guy friends. As I’ve mentioned before, if a guy is my friend and I have a good time with him then most likely I’d be down to try dating and see if there’s something more there between us. Not that I’m pining away for the guy, but I’m open to the idea.

Well recently I was feeling like maybe I was in this situation. Could there be more there than just friendship here? Am I misinterpreting his words and actions as a friend to be more? Initially my solution was time – give it time and see what, if anything, happens. Again, as I’ve said before, I’m a big believer that if a guy is interested he will ask you out. And for my personality type (strong/independent) I need a guy who is not afraid to take charge and go after what he wants. So I decided to wait and give it time. And while I do think that was a good plan, you wanna know what an even better plan was…. Knowing right away.

While I technically didn’t get my answer directly from the source, I did get some background on the situation and was able to more clearly see the line between friendship and actual relationship interest for this person. It’s kinda hard to explain while being as vague as I’m being. Sorry about that. And of course I can’t say that I know with 100% certainty this guy’s interest level, but I feel like I better understand his personality and his relationships with women that led me to reach the conclusions I was reaching, even though that was not his intention. And now that I just made that even more complicated, let’s move on.

Knowing that we would be staying in that “just friends” zone has made things so much easier for me. 

I’m no longer reading into things that are said or done wondering if there’s a hidden meaning there. I’m no longer worried about every little thing I say and do (not that I was overly worried before, but you know what I mean). Knowing where I stand just gives me the freedom to enjoy our friendship without any other thoughts or feelings getting in the way. 

I was talking with a friend about this situation and they were worried I’d be all disappointed. And while of course it sucks when things seem like they could be something more and then they don’t turn out, I was almost more relieved just to know where I stand. And now I can just enjoy having a good friend to have some fun with. Pressure’s off.

Hmmm...

Maybe it's time to get desperate, because I'm still single...

Just Kidding!!

I will say, I was pretty excited to move to Dallas because I really thought there would be so many single, cute, college-educated guys here. And guess what?? There are! But.... they're already married. Shocker, I know.

I have been fairly surprised at the low number of single guys here. I guess I've always felt like there is this huge group of older, still active, have-their-crap-together, Mormon guys out there, but the older I get the more I just don't think this is the case anymore. The pickings are slim. Not to say there aren't some good options out there still, but they're few and far between. And at this stage it's sometimes hard to get them to focus. What I think most Mormon girls can attest to is that most active Mormon guys, regardless of their looks, have multiple options when it comes to girls. Next time you're in church look around. You'll see some couples that are both pretty attractive, a number of oddball couples that make you feel for a moment that there's someone out there for everyone, and then you'll see the couples that give me the most concern. It is this last group of couples that makes me wonder about who is left for me. These are the couples with the very attractive woman and the very average looking guy.

I know. I know. I shouldn't judge people based on appearance. But occasionally I do. And you do too. Even if you don't want to admit it right now. So let's not pretend that we don't. I'm not saying these average looking guys aren't great - they are and that's my problem. That's the group of guy I'm going for. So when you have these super hot girls going for the average guys, what's left for us average girls?

Sidebar: This isn't a pity party. I can admit my shortcoming without feeling like a loser. I'm a freaking awesome person and I know it. But I am a realist. And calling myself average won't ruin me. In fact I find it empowering to embrace the truth. Now back to the point.

Of course in an ideal world it wouldn't be about any of our outside appearances and I actually do believe that once you truly get to know someone their outside fades away and your opinion of their attractiveness is completely determined by their personality and how they make you feel when you're with them. I've had multiple guy friends over the years who I did not find attractive at all before I became friends with them and then after getting to know them I found them very attractive. So attraction is a fluid thing. But, the key is getting to know the person. And sometimes our initial judgment about whether or not we find someone attractive can limit those we get to know enough to change that opinion. Therein lies the problem with this third group of couples. If all these average guys are getting attention from these model girls how are the average girls supposed to get the time of day to show the guys how hot we are on the inside?

I'm not gonna lie, when I started writing this blog post I didn't really know what my point was. Was I just wanting to bash on the couples I secretly long to be? Hmmm, I don't think so. So what was it?

One option is that all of us awesome, average, and forever single girls should just ban together and take over the world. I really think we could do it. All that pent up sexual frustration mixed with our abilities to get crap done could really lead to some effective change. Something to think about if nothing else.

Or maybe this is a written desire that more guys who grow up in the Church remain in the Church so there aren't so many of us girls left hanging. Through the years I've had a good number of friends fall away from the Church - guys and girls. But it does seem like most people I've talked to know a lot more guys that have gone inactive or are riding the fence just enough to not want to do the whole temple marriage thing. It's sad and frustrating and as much as we want that to change I don't know that it ever will.

Maybe the point has nothing to do with guys afterall. I guess the take away for me is that I'm part of this awesome group of educated, hard-working, strong, independent Mormon women. We aren't wives. We aren't moms. But we still have a place in the Gospel. We still have a place in our wards. We still have a purpose to fulfill. It's true there are some people in the Church who don't know what to do with us. There are some women in Relief Society who don't know how to talk to us. Maybe that's when we need to use our take-charge attitudes to step in and show them how we can serve. Show them the value we can add. I think as the years go on there are going to be a lot more of us. And this is our Church too. Maybe it's on us to help pave the way for future single Mormon girls. Let's help show them (and ourselves) that "graduating" from a YSA ward single isn't the end of the world. Show them that there are more options after high school than marriage or mission. Show them how we navigated this course and how it made us better and stronger and closer to our Savior than we were before. #SingleSistersStrong