Maybe it's time to get desperate, because I'm still single...
Just Kidding!!
I will say, I was pretty excited to move to Dallas because I really thought there would be so many single, cute, college-educated guys here. And guess what?? There are! But.... they're already married. Shocker, I know.
I have been fairly surprised at the low number of single guys here. I guess I've always felt like there is this huge group of older, still active, have-their-crap-together, Mormon guys out there, but the older I get the more I just don't think this is the case anymore. The pickings are slim. Not to say there aren't some good options out there still, but they're few and far between. And at this stage it's sometimes hard to get them to focus. What I think most Mormon girls can attest to is that most active Mormon guys, regardless of their looks, have multiple options when it comes to girls. Next time you're in church look around. You'll see some couples that are both pretty attractive, a number of oddball couples that make you feel for a moment that there's someone out there for everyone, and then you'll see the couples that give me the most concern. It is this last group of couples that makes me wonder about who is left for me. These are the couples with the very attractive woman and the very average looking guy.
I know. I know. I shouldn't judge people based on appearance. But occasionally I do. And you do too. Even if you don't want to admit it right now. So let's not pretend that we don't. I'm not saying these average looking guys aren't great - they are and that's my problem. That's the group of guy I'm going for. So when you have these super hot girls going for the average guys, what's left for us average girls?
Sidebar: This isn't a pity party. I can admit my shortcoming without feeling like a loser. I'm a freaking awesome person and I know it. But I am a realist. And calling myself average won't ruin me. In fact I find it empowering to embrace the truth. Now back to the point.
Of course in an ideal world it wouldn't be about any of our outside appearances and I actually do believe that once you truly get to know someone their outside fades away and your opinion of their attractiveness is completely determined by their personality and how they make you feel when you're with them. I've had multiple guy friends over the years who I did not find attractive at all before I became friends with them and then after getting to know them I found them very attractive. So attraction is a fluid thing. But, the key is getting to know the person. And sometimes our initial judgment about whether or not we find someone attractive can limit those we get to know enough to change that opinion. Therein lies the problem with this third group of couples. If all these average guys are getting attention from these model girls how are the average girls supposed to get the time of day to show the guys how hot we are on the inside?
I'm not gonna lie, when I started writing this blog post I didn't really know what my point was. Was I just wanting to bash on the couples I secretly long to be? Hmmm, I don't think so. So what was it?
One option is that all of us awesome, average, and forever single girls should just ban together and take over the world. I really think we could do it. All that pent up sexual frustration mixed with our abilities to get crap done could really lead to some effective change. Something to think about if nothing else.
Or maybe this is a written desire that more guys who grow up in the Church remain in the Church so there aren't so many of us girls left hanging. Through the years I've had a good number of friends fall away from the Church - guys and girls. But it does seem like most people I've talked to know a lot more guys that have gone inactive or are riding the fence just enough to not want to do the whole temple marriage thing. It's sad and frustrating and as much as we want that to change I don't know that it ever will.
Maybe the point has nothing to do with guys afterall. I guess the take away for me is that I'm part of this awesome group of educated, hard-working, strong, independent Mormon women. We aren't wives. We aren't moms. But we still have a place in the Gospel. We still have a place in our wards. We still have a purpose to fulfill. It's true there are some people in the Church who don't know what to do with us. There are some women in Relief Society who don't know how to talk to us. Maybe that's when we need to use our take-charge attitudes to step in and show them how we can serve. Show them the value we can add. I think as the years go on there are going to be a lot more of us. And this is our Church too. Maybe it's on us to help pave the way for future single Mormon girls. Let's help show them (and ourselves) that "graduating" from a YSA ward single isn't the end of the world. Show them that there are more options after high school than marriage or mission. Show them how we navigated this course and how it made us better and stronger and closer to our Savior than we were before. #SingleSistersStrong
